PULLING YOUR OWN STRINGS WAYNE DYER PDF
Dynamic Techniques for Dealing with Other People and Living Your Life As You Choose. INSTANT NATIONAL BESTSELLER, WITH OVER 3 MILLION COPIES SOLD. From the #1 bestselling author of Your Erroneous Zones, a directed and practical book that shows you how to stop being manipulated by. Pulling Your Own Strings: Dynamic Techniques for Dealing with Other People and Living Your Life As You Choose By Wayne W. Dyer PDF. Read Pulling Your Own Strings by Wayne W. Dyer for free with a 30 day free trial. If you don't mind having your strings pulled, this is not the book for you.
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Wayne W. Dyer reveals how we all can prevent ourselves from being victimised by others and begin to operate from a position of power at the centre of our own lives.
Asserting that we alone are responsible for how much we will be controlled by others, Dyer offers his practical plan for developing new attitudes toward the most common sources of victimisation and manipulation, such as family members and authority figures in the workplace.
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Falli omnesque vivendum eos ad, ei hinc diceret eos. Nam no nonumes volumus quaerendum, cu meis graeci audiam vis. Anything less is a form of slavery. To be free does not mean denying your responsibilities to your loved ones and your fellow man. Indeed, it includes the freedom to make choices to be responsible. But nowhere is it dictated that you must be what others want you to be when their wishes conflict with what you want for yourself.
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You can be responsible and free. Most of the people who will try to tell you that you cannot, who will label your push for freedom selfish, will turn out to have measures of authority over your life, and will really be protesting your threat to the holds you have allowed them to have on you.
The ancient philosopher Epictetus wrote of freedom in this line from his Discourses: No man is free who is not master of himself.
Reread that quote carefully. If you are not the master of yourself, then by this definition you are not free. You do not have to be overtly powerful and exert influence over others to be free, nor is it necessary to intimidate others, nor to try to bully people into submission in order to prove your own mastery.
The freest people in the world are those who have senses of inner peace about themselves: They simply refuse to be swayed by the whims of others, and are quietly effective at running their own lives. These people enjoy freedom from role definitions in which they must behave in certain ways because they are parents, employees, Americans, or even adults; they enjoy freedom to breathe whatever air they choose, in whatever location, without worrying about how everyone else feels about their choices.
Freedom is something you must insist upon. As you read through this book, you will become aware of what at first may appear to be meaningless trifles of victimization imposed by others, but which are really efforts to seize your strings and to pull you in some direction that will end your freedom, however briefly or however subtly.
You choose freedom for yourself when you begin to develop a whole system of non-victim attitudes and behaviors in virtually every moment of your life. In fact, liberation, rather than slavery to circumstances, will become an internal habit when you practice freedom-commanding behavior.
Perhaps the best way to achieve freedom in your life is to remember this guideline: Or, as Emerson said in Self-Reliance, Nothing can bring you peace but yourself.
In working with clients for many years, I have often heard the following kinds of laments: But she promised me that she would come through, and she let me down. I knew I should not have let him handle this matter, especially when it meant nothing to him and everything to me. They let me down again. When will I ever learn?
These are the mournful regrets of clients who have allowed others to victimize them in one way or another, and consequently to encroach on their own freedom. All this talk about freedom is not to imply that you should in any way isolate yourself from others. On the contrary, non-victims are most often people who love having fun with others.
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They carry themselves in uplifted, gregarious manners, and they are more secure in their relationships because they refuse to let their lives be run by manipulators. They do not need surliness or argumentative stances, because they have learned to feel from within that this is my life, I experience it alone, and my time here on Earth is very limited.
I cannot be owned by anyone else. I must be ever alert for any efforts to take away my right to be myself. If you love me, you love me for what I am, not for what you want me to be.
But how can such healthy freedom be pulled out of a past full of victim habits cultivated by the very victimizing tendencies of your society and your past?
As a child you were often victimized simply by virtue of your stature within your family. Your strings were being pulled constantly, and while you complained privately, you also knew there was very little you could do to take control. All you had to do was try running away from home for twenty minutes to see how helpless you were on your own.
So you went along, and you learned to accept your reality. In fact, having others dictate to you was a very sensible arrangement, since you really were incapable of carrying out any alternate fantasies.
And while you worked at attaining some independence, you were often content to let others do your thinking and life-directing for you. As an adult, you may still be carrying many left-over habits from childhood, which made some practical sense then, but which set you up as an easy victim now.
You may find yourself bulldozed by a big person, and may have become so accustomed to taking it that you still let it happen, simply out of habit.
Getting out of your victim traps involves, above all, developing new habits. Healthy habits are learned in the same way as unhealthy ones, through practice— after you have become aware of what you are going to practice. Eliminating victim traps in which you are held and controlled by others, or in which you are unnecessarily frustrated about the way your decisions are turning out, involves a four-part program of 1 learning how to size up your life situations, 2 developing a strong set of non-victim expectations and attitudes, 3 becoming aware of the most prevalent kinds of victimization in your life and in our culture, and 4 creating a set of principles which will guide you to detailed strategies for acting out a philosophy of life based on the unalterable notion that you are not going to become a victim.
Numbers 1,. Number 4 is dealt with in the remaining chapters, which present successive guidelines for taking on your new non-victim stance. Sizing up any potentially victimizing situation before you decide what to do about it is crucial to becoming a non-victim.
Whenever you are about to enter into a social interaction, you must have your eyes wide open, so you can avoid being done in even before a possible drama of victimization has begun to unfold on you. Sizing up your situation means being alert and developing a new kind of intelligence which just naturally keeps you from being abused.
It means assessing the needs of the people with whom you will be dealing and anticipating what course of action will be best for you in attaining your own objectives—one of which should be getting along with people who are willing to respect where you stand.
Before you even open your mouth or approach someone in a situation in which you could become a victim, you can forecast the kinds of victimizing behavior you might encounter.
Pulling Your Own Strings
Effective sizing-up is crucial if you are to avoid circumstances which trap you into self-forfeiting actions. For example, George is returning a defective pair of pants to the department store.
He sizes up the clerk as surly and harassed.
George is interested only in getting his money back, and not in an unpleasant encounter with a tired or angry salesperson. The clerk in turn may be a prime victim himself who has done nothing but enforce the company line on a policy he is paid to uphold.
So George simply goes straight to the boss, whose job it is to make exceptions to policy if he absolutely must. The final chapter of this book deals with many typical everyday circumstances like this, and presents both victim and non-victim approaches to dealing with them. Sizing up life situations means not only keeping your eyes open, but also having a set of plans and carefully carrying them out. Whatever your plan, you never invest your own self-worth in its ultimate success or failure.
You simply shift gears when necessary, without becoming emotionally tied up. Yours might be to obtain your tickets or have your steak cooked the way you want it. Whatever the goal, it is just something you want to accomplish, and whether you fail or succeed on a given day is no indicator of your own worth or happiness as a person. Sizing up life experiences will be easier if you keep a sharp ear cocked for your own use of words and phrases, either in your private thoughts or in your speech, which almost always warn that you are asking to be victimized.
Here are some of the more common ones you will have to trade in for better thoughts if you are serious about removing yourself from the victim column. If you expect to be upset, then you will seldom disappoint yourself.
You are not a little guy unless you believe you are. This kind of thinking shows you have put yourself on the losing side against the person you have made into a big guy. Go into every situation expecting to attain your goals.
This may sound tough, but with this kind of attitude you will almost always lose. Your goal is not to show anyone anything, but to get whatever concrete benefit a victimizer is trying to do you out of.
When you make your goal to show them, you are already letting them control you. See Chapter Five on being quietly effective.
Your concern about them getting mad shows you are once again under their control. Once people know you are intimidated by their anger, they will use it to victimize you whenever it will work. This is another tack that will almost always end up with you carrying the dirty end of the stick.
If others know they can manipulate you by having their feelings hurt, that is precisely what they will do whenever you get out of line or declare your own independence. People will use their hurt feelings over and over on you if you are gullible enough to. This action might not be possible to undo. Are you sure you want to continue? Upload Sign In Join. Home Books Personal Growth. Save For Later. Create a List. Pulling Your Own Strings: Read on the Scribd mobile app Download the free Scribd mobile app to read anytime, anywhere.
HarperCollins Released: May 10, ISBN: We dance to the music of our fears bodies crouched inside children hiding, pretending, under that rock behind that tree someplace, everywhere not what we control.A literary agent persuaded Dyer to package his ideas in book form, resulting in Your Erroneous Zones; although initial sales were thin, Dyer quit his teaching job and began a publicity tour of the United States, doggedly pursuing bookstore appearances and media interviews "out of the back of his station wagon", according to Michael Korda, making the best-seller lists "before book publishers even noticed what was happening" Asserting that we alone are responsible for how much we will be controlled by others, Dyer offers his practical plan for developing new attitudes toward the most common sources of victimisation and manipulation, such as family members and authority figures in the workplace.
Wayne Dyer reveals how we all can prevent ourselves from being victimized by others and begin to operate from a position ofall can prevent ourselves from being victimized by others and begin to operate from a position of power at the center of our own lives. Welcome back. George is interested only in getting his money back, and not in an unpleasant encounter with a tired or angry salesperson. May you learn to choose your own health and happiness, and practice some of that delicious soaring behavior.
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