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What dm I supposed to soy? Aarti looked at me, She hypnotised me every time,. She was fuming prettier every week A,: She turned to the shopkeeper. Aarti wasiit too conscious of her looks, She never checked herself out in mirrors, never had make-op on, a nd eyeo her hair often,. J will ieil dad I also wane to repeat a year. Tm joking, stupid. I am not agulli-whatever person. Still, Aarti could defeat. She logged at my elbow and dragged me out of the shop, '!

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She took my wallet and placed it back in my shot pocket. Don't Its not good, Especially for yore' Why? They dorft say good things about girls who sit 00 the ghats. I hated that term, I wanted to talk, about my place m her life, even though I did not want to-make'things unpleasant "But now I aro leaving,' I said.

Kota, tight? L'on'i look so glum,' she brid, V e 11 card the leoipk bells ring m ihe distance. And I like what you and I share, Don't you? But I am leaving now; If we had a commitment wouldnt it be better? Gopal we are so young! We walked down, to the waters. She purchased a set of six lit diyas for five rupees;She passed one. She set one diya afloat. He laughed and "turned around. My wife. I nodded.

He extended his greasestaioedliand. I diook It as little as possible txopal from Vmmmil. He gave me a business card for the tiffin service. You hoys study it is such a tough exam: Come on, Gopal bhai. I went to the small guard post at: A watchman sat inside, 'Who do you.

The watchman. One held clothes, the other carried the books thai had failed to get me anywhere so far. My rucksack carried, the stuff Aarti' had bought me, I missed her. I wondered if I should find an I or Medical? Kola locals find it hard to place outsiders until they know what they are there for. HIT I said, I wished he would' give me more ;attention than his nicotine l x "First-timer' or repeater?

I said, somewhat b he saidiiid. I f yon. You will he out of-the house more. Repeaters only go for coaching classes. Many sleep all day; Some landlords don't like that Sos. Fix my fee first' m a t? What's your budget?

I said The watchman sneered, as If someone had asked for country liquor in a live-star bar. He opened the gate and kept my suitcases in his cabin. Three to a room: I said, 'but how will I study? I want a private one, however. We climbed up three floors.

I panted due to the exertion. The extreme neat did not help, 'Kota is hot, get used to the weather,' the watchman said,: It is horrible outside.

That is why it is a good place to stay inside and We reached the fourth floor, I struggled to catch my breath.

He couidot stop talking, 'So you will study for real or you are just he paused mid-sentence. Many students: They know they won't get in.

But if you need stuff like beer or cigarettes, tell me, This housing society doesn't allow it' 'So? An elderly lady opened the door. The lady let us in. Her place smelt of medicines and damp. The watchman showed me the room on rent. The lady had converted a storeroom into a study and bedroom. I t s perfect for studying,1 said the watchman, who probably hadn't studied even one day in his whole life. The room had no windows, The old lady seemed arrogant or deaf or both.

She kept a grumpy face throughout. I did not want to live here. Why couldn't I study in my Varan asi? What was so special about this godforsaken place? I walked out of the flat. Hie watchman came running after me.

I thought about how different my life would have been if 1 had answered six more multiple-choice questions, I thought of Raghav, who would, at this moment, be attending his orientation at the BHU campus. I thought of Aarti and our heart-to-heart conversations. I thought of Baba's ill health and his determination to kick me into this dump.

I fought back tears. I started to walk down the stairs. We walked down the steps and reached the ground floor. I t happens the first time' the watchman said, 'missing your mother? Take a shared room,' he pleaded, Til find a cheap hotel for now, I am used to being alone. Birju took the suitcases from me and placed them down. A retired couple stays there. Within your budget hen why didn't you show it to me earlier? He didn't get through, so he killed himself, Two years ago.

Til take it,' I said. I dont care if some loser hanged himself: The watchman picked up my suitcases. We went to the third floor in the next flat. A couple in their sixties stayed there. They kept the place immaculately clean. The spartan to-let room had a bed, table, cupboard and fen, 'Fifteen hundred: I said to the couple, The watchman gave me a dirty look. I gave him a firm handshake.

I had spent the day visiting various coaching schools. At three in the afternoon, my room felt at ignition point, Mr Soni gently knocked on the door of my room. It felt too hot to exchange pleasantries.

I had arranged for my meals and a place to stay. However, my main challenge in Kola, apart from constantly fighting off thoughts about Aarti, was to enrol in a good study programme, 1 had spent the last three days doing the rounds of every coaching school I took in their tail claims about zapping any primate into an IITian, I went through their super-flexible not to mention super-expensive fee structures, Bansai, Resonance and Career Path seemed to be everyone's top choices.

Each of them had their own, rather difficulty entrance exams. In fact, Kota now had small coaching shops to coach you to get into the top coaching classes, From there, you would be coached to get into an engineering college. Once there, you study to become an engineer. Of course, most engineers want to do an MBA. Hence, the same coaching-class cycle would begin again. This complex vortex of tests, classes, selections and preparations is something every insignificant Indian student like me has to go through to have a shot at a decent life, Else, I could always take the job of Birju the watchman or, if I wanted it simpler, hang myself like my erstwhile room-resident Manoj Dufta, I switched on the same fan that helped Manoj check out of the entrance exam called life, 'The moving blades re-circulated the hot air in the room.

M did,' 1 said. Mr Soni asked me this question at least twice a day. I guess Manoj Dutta didn't call home often enough, leading to his loneliness and early demise. Nobody loves you more than your parents' Mr Soni said as he left the room.

I shut the door and removed my shirt. I hadn't rowed in ten days. My arms felt flabby. I wanted to exercise, but 1 had to figure out the ten million brochures first.

I had indeed called Baba, twice. He seemed fine. I told him I had started preparing for next year, even though 1 couldn't bear to open any textbook.

I didnt care. Whichever coaching class 1 joined would make me slog soon. I wanted to talk to Aarti first. Id called her four times but could not speak to her even once. Her mother had picked up the phone the first two times. I hung up without saying anything. I did not want Aartis mother going "why is this boy calling you so many times from so far? Aarti had mentioned she would get a cellphone soon. I wished she would. Everyone seemed to be getting one nowadays, at least the rich types.

Aarti did not have a number to reach me. I would have to try again tomorrow. I picked up a green-coloured brochure. The cover had photographs of some of the ugliest people on earth. The pictures belonged to the IIT toppers from that institute. They had grins wider than models in toothpaste ads but not the same kind of teeth.

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Since my favourite hobby was wasting time, i spent the afternoon comparing the brochures. No, I didn't compare the course material, success rates or the fee structures. In any case, everyone claimed to be the best in those areas. I compared the pictures of their successful candidates; who had the ugliest boy, who had the cutest girl, if at all. There was no point to this exercise, but there was no point to me being in Kota.

The Bansalites were Kotas cool I had to crack their exam.

However, I had little time to prepare for the test scheduled in three days. In factj many of the coaching classes had their exams within a week, The next set of exams was a month away 1 had to join something now. Staying idle would make me go mad faster than the earlier occupant of this room..

Each institute asked for a thousand bucks for an application form. I had fifty thousand rupees with me, and Baba had promised me more after six months.

The brochure of AimllT said: They might as well have written: Tf you have the cash, you are welcome,' I spent the rest of the afternoon filling the tiresome and repetitive forms. I kept myself motivated by saying I would call Aarti once more before dinner, I went out for an evening walk at 7: I found an STD booth.

The meter at the STD booth whirred. I had already called Baba in the morning, I called Raghav. Gopal From Kota,' I said, my last word soft. Oh, wow, we were just talking about you' Raghav said. With who? Flow are you, man? Hows Kola?

We miss you. Where are you? T wanted to ask her why she had come to Raghavs place. However, it didn't seem the best way to start a conversation. J will call you. I want to talk.

Whats up? Generally' When girls use vague terms like 'generally', it is cause for specific concern. Or maybe not. It could be my overactive mind. T have to choose a course. That s the only reason 1 am doing it I want an easy course' lOh 3 so your air hostess plans are not dead" 1 said. Maybe BSc Home Science is better, no? Sort of related to hospitality industry.

Or should 1 leave Agrasen and join hotel management? Who is he? A career counsellor? Or does he have the license to preach now because he has a fucking JEE rank? I only got a click in response.

I returned to my room where my dinner tiffin and the brochures awaited me, I imagined Aarti at Raghavs place, in peals of laughter, jMy insides burnt. I picked up a brochure in disgust I took a blade from my shaving kit cut out the cover pictures of the 11T- selected students, and ripped them tosltreds,, Bansal classes did not look like the small tuition centres run out of tiny apartments in Vararrasi, It resembled an institute or a large corporate office, I stood in the gigantic lobby, wondering v.

Like in many other coaching classes in Kota, the students had uniforms to eliminate social inequality. You had rich kids from Delhi, whose parents gave them more pocket money than my father earned in an entire yean On the other hand, you had losers like me from Varanasi, who had neither the cash nor the brains required to be here, Equality in clothes didn't mean Bansal believed all students were equal A class system existed, based on your chances of cracking the entrance exam.

T have 79 per cent. A1EEE rank 52,' I said. He handed me a receipt - cum - admit card for the entrance exam. Anyway, you don't look like a bright student going by your marks. My suggestion is to apply to other institutes,' he replied.

The officer looked around to ensure nobody could hear us. I kept quiet He slipped me a visiting card: Course material is the same. My cousin is an ex-Baiisal faculty' I examined the card. Wails covered with stamp-sized pictures of successful J EE candidates, resembling wanted terrorists, greeted me everywhere. I also realised that the reputed institutes kicked up a bigger fuss about 'repeaters'. After all, we had failed once, and institutes didnt want to spoil their statistics. Top institutes claimed to send up to five hundred students a year to IIT.

AimllT and Careerlgnite had less people lining up. In fact, they gave me spot offers. So nice to hear your voice,1 A art! She recognised me in a second It felt good. How stupid. I do care. He said no more than twice a week' "So what? I will be the only one calling you, no? Anyway hows life? I hate it here' I s it that bad? Have you started studying?

It is hard to pick up the same hooks again. Maybe I will gel motivated after I join a coaching class. Baba is there, Raghav, me. Please dont start that again. You say you miss me. But not in that way. Anyway, we have to focus on our respective careers. You are there, 1 am here' I f I had a girlfriend, at least I could talk to her. Talk to me whenever you want. Or we can-ch. We can chat in the evenings. Ill tell you about my life, and you about yours.

Should I jomatefmbed-imt'e the upcoming but cheaper ones? One, I didn't clear the Bansal exam, I could join their separate correspondence programme, which kind of defeated the purpose of being in Rota. Resonance hiked its fees at the last minute, It became unaffordable for me, so I didn't even write their entrance exam, f made it to the waitlist of the Career Path programme.

IT and Careerlgnite offered me a thirty per cent discount. However, five days later Career Path told me I had made i t I handed the accountant at Career Path a twenty-thousand-rupee draft with trembling hands. I also collected three sets of the Career Path uniform, Wearing it made me look like a budget hotel receptionist. I walked out of the institute with the uniform in my hands, 'Congratulations!

T am Sanjeev sir. They call me Mr Pulley here, I teach physics' I shook his hand. Apparently, nobody could solve pulley problems in Kota quite like Sanjeev sir. I soon realised there were subject experts across institutes in Kota. Career Path had its own wizards.

Mr Verma, who taught maths, had the moniker of Trignometry-swamy. Mr jadeja taught chemistry. Students affectionately addressed him as Balance-jl He had a unique method of balancing chemical equations. TEE also, sir. High potential? Once you get low marks you learn to lower your eyes rather quickly. Tt's okay. Many non-high potential students make it It all depends on hard work' Til do my best, sir,' I said. I could call myself a true Kota-ite a month into moving there. Like thousands of other students, my life now had a rhythm.

Career Path resembled a school, but without the fun bits. Nobody made noise in class, played pranks on one another or thought of bunking classes. After all, everyone had come here by choice and had paid a big price to be here. We had three to four classes a day, which started in the afternoon. In theory, this allowed the current class XiX students to attend school in the morning, m reality, the class XII students never went to school Career Path had an agreement with a cooperative CBSE school, which had a flexible attendance policy.

It was rumoured that the CBSE school received a handsome kickback from Career Path for the cooperation extended, I hated the brutal Career Path schedule at first, Lectures started at two in the afternoon and went on until nine in the evening. Alter that students rushed home to eat dinner, and do the 'daily practice sheets' a set often problems based on the current lesson. I usually finished by midnight. After a few hours of sleep t would wake up and prepare for the next days classes.

In between, I did household chores, such as washing clothes and shopping for essentials. I went along with the madness, not so much because of the zeal to prepare, but more because I wanted to keep myself busy I didn't want Kotas loneliness to kill me. One night our classes ended late. To my surprise she was still online. I typed in a message from my usual handle, GopalKotaFactory: Flying Aarti: Guess what! If girls got to set grammar rules in this worlds there would only be exclamation marks, GopalKotaFactory: At their computer centre!!

How come? Raghav joined college. He brought me here.

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Gopal Kota Factory: Isn't it too late to be in his college? How will you get back? I have dad s red-light car. GopalKotaPactory; How often do you visit Raghav? I waited for her to type a message, FlyingAarti: What sort of a question is that? Do you keep tabs on meeting friends? Just a friend, right? FlyingAarti; Yes, dear. You should become a detective, not an engineer. I only came to see his campus. So, whatl- up with you? I completed one month in Kota. At least you dont refer to it as a godforsaken place anymore!

I am quite busy though. Mugging away. We even had class tests, FlyingAarti: You did okay? In top fifty per cent. Not bad for such a competitive class. Who knows? If I do, will yon go out with me?

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I like us how we ate. And how is it linked to JEE? You are my favourite!!? Stop using so many exclamation marks- FlyingAarti: Nothing, Anyway I. Okay, I expected her to ask me to chat for a few more minutes. Not just give me a bland okay She didn't even ask me if I had had my dinner FlyingAarti: Did you eat dinner?

Not yet. Will do so when I get home. When girls are hiding something, they start speaking like boys and use expressions like 'cool! How about you? Raghavs treating me. Only at his canteen though. GopalKotaPactory; You still seem excited She did not respond. If someone stalls you on a chat every minute seems like an hour. She finally typed after five long minutes. Okay, anyway, Raghavs here. He says hi. I have to quickly eat and head back home.

Chat later then, Xoxo. I don t think Aarti meant them. She logged out, f had twenty minutes of Internet time left. I spent them doing what most guys who came here did - surf the official IIT website or watch porn. I guess these are the two things boys wanted most in Kota, At least the coaching centres could help you get one of them, K J n the eve of Aarti s birthday I had finished three months in Kota, For the first time I managed to reach the top twenty-five percentile in a class test.

Balance-ji congratulated me. My chemistry score had improved by twenty points. Mr Pulley didnt like my average physics performance Shishir sir, also known as Permutation guru, paused a few extra seconds by my seat as my maths score had improved by ten per cent, 1 kept my answer-sheet in my bag as 1 sat for the physics class.

I looked around the three-hundred-seat lecture room. Mr Pulley was speaking into a handheld mike, tapping it every time he felt the class was not paying enough attention.

I still had a long way to go. One needed to reach at least the top-five percentile in the Career Path class to feel confident about an I1T seat. Increasing your percentile in a hyper-competitive class is not easy You have to live, breathe and sleep HT. The top twenty students in every class test received royal treatment.

They were called Gems, a title still elusive to me, Gems stood for 'Group of Extra Meritorious Students' Gems comprised of ultra-geeks whod prefer solving physics problems to having sex, and for whom fun meant memorising the periodic table.

Career Path handled Gems with care, as they had the potential to crack the top hundred ranks of JEE, and thus adorn future advertisements. Gems were treated preciously, similar to how one would imagine Lux soap officials treat their brand ambassador Katrina Kaif: However, the top twenty-five percentile felt good. I wanted to share this with Aarti, Also, 1 had told her I'd be the first one to wish her on her birthday. I tried again but couldn't get through, I made five attempts but the line was still engaged.

I waited patiently as he ended his call at I rushed into the booth and called Aarti again, The line came busy After several attempts the shopkeeper gave me looks of sympathy. He told me he had to shut his shop by I tried calling many more times, at two-minute intervals, but to no avail I don't blow why, but I decided to call Raghavs house. It being a Friday night I knew Raghav would be home for the weekend. I hesitated for a second before I dialled his number.

Of course, if the phone rang so late the whole house would be startled. However, my suspicions were right.

The line was busy I tried Raghavs and Aartis numbers in quick succession. He switched off the lit sign.

No auto-rickshaw agreed to go to the railway station at a reasonable price at that hour. I reached platform 1 of Kota station at 1: Even at this hour the station was bustling. A train arrived and the general-quota passengers ran for seats.

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For more information on submitting an abstract or workshop proposal, click here! We encourage all interested in benefit cost analysis to submit pitches or completed draft blog posts. Please include your name, email address, and a two to three sentence bio.I wanted to run to the Kota station and travel unreserved to VaranasL I couldht think about Balance-ji or my percentile or the stupid Career Path. The knife was now slicing through my heart I clenched my teeth hard.

In comparison, I felt fat and old after a year in Kota. Didn't work. The spartan to-let room had a bed, table, cupboard and fen, 'Fifteen hundred: Thai's fen thousandu-hottte! Tts my birthday, dad,' Aarti said and picked up the phone. The editorial team stepped off the stage and started distributing copies of the magazine. A teacher from Career Path?